My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, October 29 at Thornton Hospital. The pre-op appointment is the previous Friday, October 25. Thankfully, all of the places I need to go are right there at the Moores Cancer Center and the hospital is on the other side of the parking lot.
Now that there is a definite date, I feel a certain relief. There is a written plan for my physical process through this journey now in the binder I set up (surprise! My organizing gene kicked in.) to keep track of all this stuff. I realize now that the binder was/is a very necessary tool. I have a quote from Mike Dooley speaking as The Universe www.tut.com on the cover. It reads:
Before this odyssey ever began,
There was you, your best friends, and
Among you about
Who would be the first to leap,
The first to forget, the first to kiss, the first to tell,
The first to fall, the first to get back up,
And the first to remember that it all began
With a dare:
To love in spite of it all.
Is that you, Mergatroid?
Which is good in many ways, because I keep forgetting that that perspective is the place I really want to be living from. It’s like Jess and I are living in two different worlds or realities. In one everything is just as it’s always been, and in the other I have cancer. Some days are spent entirely in the first, and others entirely in the second. That it’s taken so long to actually get a plan and a surgery date turns out to be something of a blessing in disguise, giving us time to get used to a new reality, and also giving us a respite from that reality when it gets to be just too much to handle.
I'm learning more about my art, and from my art, every day. It's not so much a matter of skill or practice... mostly it's a shift in perspective, a way of shaping how I look at and exist in the world.
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